Favorite Quotes (long list)

I've been collecting quotes off the Interet for quite a while now. Some of them are from famous people and some of them are from random users. Here's some of my favorites, in no particular order:

"Engineers are the center of the Universe. They get to pick the coordinate system."


"Television: a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done."
-- Ernie Kovacs


"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't seem to work."
-- Gallagher


"When life gives you crap...make craponade"


"We do not inherit the world from our parents; we borrow it from our children."
-- American Indian Proverb


"Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be the name of a store, not a government agency."


"Whenever you talk, I think of fishing lures until the noise stops."
-- Dilbert's Pointy-haired Boss


"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you? "


"'Outlook not so good.' That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next"


"I suppose the best way to determine the most random number is to poll people to pick a random number and see what the most common choice is." -- Slashdot user


"Which is why the next Warner Bros. movie will be Batman Vs. Catwoman. Only when they go for the epic battle they will get really attracted to each other and have a love child named ManWoman. Which will be the central character of a future Hollywood blockbuster starring Janet Reno." -- Slashdot user


"I play [poker] with chips worth 5, 7, 13, and 23. It sure makes making change fun."

"Wisdom is perishable. Unlike information or knowledge, it cannot be stored in a computer or recorded in a book. It expires with each passing generation."
-- Sid Taylor



[In a discussion about who would win a fight]
Lemmings?! Smurfs?!
Need I remind everyone that your average Teletubby is probably 100x the size of these creatures, and contains cybernetic implants to boot?

Hell, Tinky Winky alone could crush an entire battlefield full of Smurfs and Lemmings, with a single flop-and-roll maneuver.

Not forgetting, of course, that the ravenous Noo-Noo would be right behind to clean up the mess, and dispatch any stragglers.
-- Slashdot poster


"Sometimes this board needs a Crazy to English translator :/"
-- Vynadie on TheRunes.net


And a couple from Bash.org:

#120296 +(3199)- [X]
once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.


#6562 +(3199)- [X]
[skrike] I think the people above me are having sex
[skrike] either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.


#10739 +(2192)- [X]
* Spoon casts Wall of Silence
*** Spoon sets mode: +m
[Goku] why?
[Spoon] Because exo went insane
[Goku] no, he just brought his insanity up to another level
* Sentinel checks..
*** Sentinel sets mode: -m
[exogen] THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE!
*** Sentinel sets mode: +m



"The reviewer in Wheeling gave it three thumbs up, and ever since then Hollywood’s tried to get movies reviewed in West Virginia."
-- Fred Reed @ FredOnEverything.net

"First, forget that her lips are sweet as honeydew melon (though not, of course, green). It doesn't last. One of nature's more disagreeable tricks is that while men are far uglier than women, they age better. Remember this. It is useful to reflect in moments of unguided passion that, beneath the skin, we are all wet bags of unpleasant organs."
-- Fred Reed @ FredOnEverything.net


"If Watchmen the movie is "based on" Watchmen the graphic novel in the same way, I suggest installing seat belts in all the theaters to prevent the audience from being pulled from their seats by the suction of the movie."
-- Slashdot user


"Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad."


"If my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN"


"A good friend will come to bail you out of jail after you did something stupid, a true friend will be sitting in the cell next to you saying, 'That was Awesome!'."


"The most you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don't mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations."
-- Scott Adams in "God's Debris"


Lord of the Rings Book 2:
"Wizards ought to know better: they do know better. There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men bad enough for such treachery. Down with Saruman!"
-- Treebeard


And several Star Wars quotes regarding the prequels:
Star Wars III: Just Fork It Over, Fanboy

Star Wars: Episode III: A Big Pile of Sith
At least that's what dyslexic people will call it ...

Episode III Title: The Passion of Jar Jar
(Its just two hours of Jar Jar being beaten.)

Episode III: Return of the Profit

Episode III: I Believe That Horse is Still Moving

Episode III: I Wipe My Ass With Your Money.

"Luke..."
"Luke there ... is ... ano..ther...dir...ect..tors...cut."

Will Episode III end with a big awards ceremony with the Emperor handing out medals to Vader and other Sith Lords?

"Apparently, in the next new version, Alderaan shoots first..."

"...as if 1 million voices screamed out "Don't do it, George!" and were suddenly silenced by the quest for money."



-- C.